My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
