I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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