i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she woke up with a sticky ear
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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