I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My penis needs a shock collar
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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