Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
