I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
