why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
