is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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