My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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