Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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