he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
