Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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