You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
