my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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