then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
