I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
