I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
