Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
