The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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