In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
