dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
