i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
