Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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