Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
