Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
