I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
