If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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