Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
