My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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