My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
