I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
