I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
