A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
