i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
