i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
