we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
