well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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