the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Please don't give away my fajitas
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