Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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