There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
