Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
