Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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