oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
