He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
