I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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