Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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