Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
