forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you win again, gameday.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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