i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
