Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
