So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
