Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
